No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
