my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
