I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
