i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
