my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
