he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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