Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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