fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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