I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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