We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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