I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
