i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
