You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
