feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
