I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
