Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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