Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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