I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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