Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
