his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
