i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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