My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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