well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
