You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
