It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
