I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
