i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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