He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
