So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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