I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I AM VODKA MAN
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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