My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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