Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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