I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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