This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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