The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
