If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
