ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
