Ketchup is God's man juice
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
