All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
