i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
