And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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