Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
