Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
