Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
