never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
