Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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