I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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