you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
