It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
