he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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