its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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